i wrote this poem when i was in high school. Promise.

i like to each tacos
and nachos with cheese
and hot chimichangas made ready to please
Mexican food is a feaster’s delight
… but it hit like a plague one horrible night.

After two months of shyness
(a terrible trait)
i asked a cute girl i knew out on a date.

What ho! She said “yes”
and my heart stopped its grieving
i counted the days
til our wonderful evening.

And when it did come,
we two met at the best haunt
for blooming young lovers:
a Mexican restaurant.

We had at our table
a sweet serenade
with four guys in sombreros
providing the shade.

Our meals arrived
she had ordered the rice
it was low in cholesterol
(and lower in price).

But i had on my plate
a greasy torpedo
a fattening, sizzling

With no second thoughts
i devoured it quick
and knew in that instant
i’d made my date sick.

But the evening drew on
and i charmed that cute girl
so much that a smile
began to unfurl

on her lips
and i gasped
and my heart rate increased
i said stupid things
and my common sense ceased

to assist in my speech
so i’d sound somewhat smart —
instead, i just sat there
and tried not to

part with my logical forethought
and good sense of judgment
… but i shuddered to think
where that refried brown sludge went.

And then… like a bubbling
bat out of Hell
a knot in my stomach
started to swell

and a SOUND spluttered out
like a vibrating wheeeeeze…

… that cute girl across from me
just cut the cheese.