There’s also boy slang that doesn’t see a whole lot of use past age eight, and i thought i might include it here in case any girls were interested; it’s a seedy peek into the life of males you may not be privy to.

If you were ever in residence in college (which i wasn’t, but heard this bit from a friend who was), “brain” is choice slang for “scrotum.” That’s just plain foul, in my opinion … meaning no disrespect to God or anything, but that thing is unfortunate-looking enough without having to draw attention to the fact.

Going back – way back – to 1983, i remember that just as the toilet had a name: the john (or “John Crapper,” to use its formal appellation), the urinal was also given one. Arnold. The urinal was called Arnold. i guess the rationale was that “Arnold” sort of sounded like “urinal” if you had a speech impediment, and your listener was hearing impaired. That always struck me as strange – “John” sounds nothing like “toilet,” after all – why was there a need when naming the urinal? To be consistent, the toilet would more fittingly be called “Tony” or “Hoyle.” Strange.

When little boys share a toilet (for number one, not number two, you perv), they swordfight. Post-Star Wars, they have lightsaber battles. Perhaps in 1984 they “crossed streams” like the Ghostbusters, but i can’t confirm this.

Also, boys’ peeners sometimes looked different from each other. Some boys had mushrooms. Other boys had carrots. Having been raised in a Christian home, i have a mushroom. i’ve always thought carrots were gross.